The 2017 Shari Prestemon Social Justice Interns have graciously agreed to share their experiences with all of us. From time to time, we’ll be posting ‘journal entries’ from Naiomi Gonzalez and Katy Morton. Below is one of these entries.
Shake it Off.
No, I’m not referencing a Taylor Swift or Mariah Carey song. I am referencing the fact that it is important to recognize that no matter what you do or you don’t do, you will always make someone angry. This is especially true in social services where the stakes are high and the funding is low. In social services you will face criticism and anger from at least two groups 1) the clients-who in their moments of struggle and pain are coming to you for help 2) Those with whom you volunteer or work with. To be frank, in my experience, it is often easier to understand and perhaps be more compassionate towards the first group than the second group.
The people who call or visit Back Bay Mission are in varying levels of distress. Some individuals are at imminent risk of having their water or electricity cut off, of losing their apartment, of being homeless. For the person visiting us or calling us, the stakes are incredibly high and while Back Bay Mission does what it can to help as many people as possible-the reality is that we can’t help everyone. Funding is always an issue in social services/nonprofit work. We have a limited amount of funding and as a result, we can’t help every person that calls or walks through our door. We aren’t an all-purpose provider, though some members in the community, including other organizations, seem to believe that.
For example, although the Mission does provide emergency utility assistance, we have a certain amount of money available each week that we can use for utility assistance, and we cannot go beyond that amount. That means that there are a lot of people who need our help who are unable to get it. While most of the people who are not helped are courteous, others get angry. But in many cases, their anger is justifiable. There are other potential resources that can help with power bills, but in some cases, the person is so angry and frustrated that they do not want too or even have it in them to call another organization for help. (Or they have already called said organization and been told that they couldn’t be helped). If you are in imminent danger of your water or power being cut off, you don’t want to hear that we have no more funding for the week. The fact is, you don’t care. You have a specific problem that needs to be resolved and you want/need help now. I recognize that they aren’t necessarily angry at me as a person, but they are angry at the situation they are in and might feel helpless and hopeless. I can understand their angry and I recognize that they aren’t angry at me personally. I need to acknowledge their anger and why they are angry, but I can’t take it as a personal reflection of my character. I have to learn to shake it off. Not in order to be heartless, but so that I can make sure that I treat the next person that calls or visits, with the respect that they deserve.
Others get frustrated that our food pantry is open only during certain hours. The reality is that the pantry is staffed primarily through volunteers. As a result, the pantry cannot be open all the time. The staff each play an important role in the Mission and cannot run the pantry if that is not in their job description. Many clients recognize that and will try to come back during pantry hours. A few however, get frustrated and want to know why we can’t just give them a bag of food right then and there. They aren’t interested in hearing about why we can’t immediately meet their needs. Again, their anger is understandable. I recognize that they might be hungry or might be worn out from everything else that is wrong from their life, so hearing a no from us comes across like a major affront. For a person who is hungry, it can also seem heartless that we aren’t just giving them food (although of course, we direct them to other resources in the area that can help them when our pantry is closed). I appreciate their anger and frustration and don’t expect someone who is in a desperate situation to understand or even care about the reasons why our pantry might not be open beyond certain hours. Again, when it comes to angry clients, I am learning not only to have compassion for them even in the midst of their anger, but to not take their expressions of anger personally.
To be honest, it is harder to shake off criticisms from those who are helping to ensure that the Mission runs smoothly. Because, in many ways, we are in this together. We care about Back Bay Mission and about the clients that we serve. But in any endeavor, miscommunication and mistakes are a reality. And this miscommunication, especially during stressful moments (such as when the pantry is open and the waiting room is packed) can heighten tension and frustration. Frustration at a prior event can also make small mistakes or moments of miscommunication appear to be much larger and more important than they really are. But in order for the Mission to run successfully everyone- staff, volunteers, interns need to be able to work together and this means accepting criticism when it is constructive and shaking it off when it is not. It means learning to not take things said in moments of frustration personally.
Learning the art of ‘shaking it off’ or not taking everything personally, is something that will benefit me in every area of my life. In grad school for instance, there are people who do not like me because I am outspoken and opinionated. I try to be respectful of other people’s opinions, but I also won’t hesitate to express mine even if it is unpopular or in the minority. Other people, for whatever reason, might be fine with my opinions but take issue with the fact that I am an Afro-Latina in a predominately male centered field and I won’t be intimidated by that fact. While there are occasions where I deserve the anger or criticisms directed at me, there are also other instances where said anger and criticisms have less to do with me or my academic work, and more to do with the personal issues that the other person is experiencing. I need to recognize that the issue might not be me and shake off any personal insults or anger headed my way. This is much harder to do, but just as important to do, when the person who dislikes me for whatever reason, is in a position of power over me. But in academia, that is the reality of life. In an environment that is increasingly competitive, with shrinking stability and job security, people are tense, frustrated, and angry. In the field I am in, where I am studying terrorism and state violence, the stakes can be incredibly high. In this area, being able to “shake it off”-it being anger, jealously, or just people not liking me is necessary not only for personal success but in order to try and make the world a better place in whatever small way I can.
